I often refer to R as the one who got away. But in reality, he was the one that I let go. We are still friends and I am happy he is in a great relationship. But I cannot help thinking about what would have been between us. The worst part of regret is that you have no else to blame but yourself. My aunt says opportunities are like arrows, they only go one way and never come back. I should have jumped on the opportunity to be in a relationship with R. But I hesitated and the moment passed me by. In my dream, I finally told R how I felt. It was such a relieve. He was single in the dream and we lived happily ever after...or until my alarm went off. In reality, I am single and he is happy, but with someone else. My friend Magda has a different take on regrets. She never regrets. She says that if it is good, it’s wonderful. If it is bad, it’s an experience. Magda is always very pragmatic. I have not decided if I will tell R about my feelings before I go. I don’t want to have more regrets.

• Benelux Domiantrix Love

On a night where all of gay Sydney was at the infamous Sleaze Ball, I was at my friend’s Terry’s Hens Night. A Hens Night is Australian for bachelorette's party, the final celebration of a girl’s last few weeks of single hood. Terry was a total fag hag. So her hens were all queens. I had organised a gay around the world tour which included a Moroccan feast, Japanese Karaoke and camp dancing on Oxford Street. Terry was going to marry another ex work colleague Tom whom she had met at University. I was really happy for her. They made a very cute couple. I have even picked out their first born's name. I am always in awe of people who are getting married. Maybe it is because I have so much respect for them. I just cannot imagine making that kind of commitment, specially when you are so young. I do not know if it was the commitment phobic in me coming out or my general cynicism towards marriage as an institution. But Terry and Tomas were made for each other and I wished them well on their new life together.

• Dutch Snapchat Daters

One of my biggest regrets in life is not coming out early. I now realised that I missed out on a lot of potential opportunities during my University years. There were so many men trying to get close to me. I was too scared and too closeted to realise. It was not until years later that I realised what was happening around me…and I often about if these what ifs would have changed the course of my life. Regrets with men continued after my coming out years: I regretted sleeping with too many of them, regretted not ending some relationships sooner and regretted not giving others a chance. Last night I had a dream about a friend. I will anonymously refer to him as R. We met around a year ago. I knew he liked me and was ready for a relationship. I just saw him as a friend, but after a few months I had actually developed a serious crush on him. We were very close for a few months. But by the time I had developed feelings for him, R had found someone else.

• Benelux Sugar Dating

Actually I had a lot of dreams last night. It seems my subconscious is working as hard as my conscious self. With less than 24 hours before departure on my holiday, my anxiety levels have been creeping up. Last night I had a dream that when I came back from my holidays I found my boyfriend DG in bed with a good friend of mine. The weird thing is that DG often speaks about this friend and plans catching up with him while I am away. The dream was rather disturbing. I remember opening the door to DG’s house with my suitcases..going upstairs to his bedroom and finding my friend and him in bed. They were not shagging or shocked to see me. They just layed there in bed and said “good morning.”

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Mark and I were the only non married, engaged or coupled people at the hens night. Everyone was slowly joining the married club, even my gay friends. Terry keeps thinking I am trying to break her up with Tom because I question her about their relationship. I am just curious. I think she has doubts sometimes. It is a big decision. At the same time, I can’t help but be a bit envious about their relationship. She can stop looking..she’s found the one and now she can live happily ever after. The end of the night came at Palms when this guy came up to me and asked me if I was the Single Guy. He recognised me from my picture! (Mental note: maybe I need to blur my picture). He was sweet and extremely drunk. Thanks for the comments mate. Glad to hear I have a fan club!

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